Stupid News: Satan VS Jesus in the ultimate battle…to get boned?
Oh this is going to be Stupid News gold! While Newgrounds has always been a great place for flash games to make their mark before moving onto XBOX LIVE, PSN, or Steam, there’s still plenty of room availale for games that just make you go “what in the fuck!?” Such is the case with the recently uploaded flash title: Satan VS Jesus. Please use this time to get out a handi-wipe or two, because you’re going to need it.
Here’s the premise. You play as either, you guessed it, Satan or Jesus, in the ultimate showdown for a ‘religious experience’ with a busty bimbo your avatar would love to ‘exorcise’ from her undergarments. Players get to hit the J/K/L keys repeatedly in layman’s version of Guitar Hero (which is actually a huge insult to Guitar Hero) with the goal of ‘scoring’ as many points as possible over your immortal enemy while the unwitting prize shouts out “oh yeahs” and “fuck yeahs” ad nausem. Because I only had enough patience to play as one of the two selectable characters, I chose to play as Satan (because he’s a ‘horny’ bastard) and got to work ‘banging’ away at the keyboard.
While it is mildly amusing to hear Satan remark, “I’m going to eat your children” once or twice after missing a few keys, the game (if you can even call it that) is so stunningly awful that the ‘game over’ screen is the most welcome feature I encounterd . Not only is this game NSF…anywhere, it’s not even funny. It’s just really sad. To even call it a game smacks of indecency. Doing so makes all other games, especially fellow flash games, look incredibly infantile. Play at your own risk if you must, but don’t be shocked if you feel more than slightly dirty afterward. It just means you’re normal…or you need to get laid…one of the two.
UPDATE: It seems, upon further ‘prodding’, that Satan VS Jesus is actually a demo for something called “BoneTown” and a mini-game called, I swear I’m not making this up, “Tiger Woods Affair Tour 10″ with links to both games. I feel as though I’ve slipped into a meth induced nightmare where the design team from Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust, desperate to find something to do after that game tanked, decided, “Well, we have no writers left. Why not make a game where everyone fucks each others brains out?” I feel the universe crying out in horror at this very moment…and not in ‘release’.